Today I came home from the gym and finally decided that I’m happy with myself. (My physical body as well as my soul/spirit and mind). Sure I still have a lot to learn (I love learning!) and He isn’t finished with me yet, but I am done apologizing for what or who I am. I am done condemning myself for those 5 lbs I keep fluctuating around, up, down, and the old belly fat I can’t seem to get rid of. I had a goal (maybe it was just a dream or an image) of looking great in a bikini, but who am I trying to impress?! My husband is thrilled to love me for who I am (all of me, all for you-Thanks John Legend) and loves my curves, so why did I have all these strongholds, hold ups, hang ups?
Next weekend I’m looking forward to spending a little family time back east, especially my four little nieces and nephews. Growing up I was the bigger sister (I don’t think my family said this, I just felt bigger and overweight and struggled with overeating). I let their comments(out of love and caring concern, not judgments) really get to me and hurt my too often sensitive feelings, which built up walls and made for more cry baby tear scenes and fights.
Somewhere back in my childhood I remember a cute Charles Shulz Peanuts cartoon of Charlie Brown getting frustrated, muttering, “I should’ve…! I shouldn’t have…! I should have…!” And the punch line (Lucy was it?): “But we don’t live in should’ve’s!!!”
I am happy with the way I look. I don’t need a lot of makeup but every once in awhile I like dressing up and going out dancing with my man. I don’t tan a lot because I’m still pretty fair and have skin cancer in our family, but I love the healing sun. I have grown my hair and nails out, and I love a hot shower or bubble bath and a DIY facial or mani pedi once a week. I play piano and sing my way around the house, and if I wear pjs, yoga pants, or a dress, I am happy. I am happy in my own skin, I am happy in a swimsuit or in a skirt. I don’t love my work uniform because it seems a little boring but I just need to wear a little accessories and then I’m happy. I feel strong from weights at the gym and from helping with babies and from learning so much at my beloved job, and so,
I am thankful.
I am grateful for inner strength(even if it’s not as quiet or as slender!)
I AM HAPPY.