I AM HEREBY DECLARING THAT I, CHRISTIANA, AM TAKING A BREAK FROM CRITICISM, AND JUST THIS ONCE, AM RESTING IN THE LIGHT OF LOVE.
Just for today. Relax with me, come breathe in the fresh air of a little Sunday r’n’r. This morning after church I got so panicky about criticizing myself that DH took my hand and prayed that we would both learn to rest in God’s love. That we both could learn to take a compliment. That we would learn to be confident in His love and the warmth of each other’s love. That I would stop casting verbal or mental stones at myself or comparing myself to others (good or bad comparisons!) ! That we would learn not to take the personal stress into work but never take work stress home, but to bear one another’s burdens and yet still be responsible just for our own duties.
Yesterday I had a fun day in Solvang and Santa Barbara. But I was constantly internally battling my own war. “Maybe I should be riding 50 mi! Eating more veggies! Not drinking wine! Not eating all this sugar! What did she mean by that? Is she judging me?” Then, “no sit back and enjoy the day! They are your friends and they love your laugh, your support, your kind help. She noticed I’m losing weight! She said I’m pretty!” Ugh enough already!
All week I was fighting a cold, wanting to come into work, needing rest, wanting the gym, wanting to read or socialize, but not having mental space – I judged myself for not doing enough! I was taking Reliv, vitamin c, tea, garlic, and still thought I wasn’t doing enough of the right thing(cooking healthy for my husband, grocery shopping, budgeting, meal planning, and cleaning house).stop!
All week I did this would searching and second guessing after my job’s performance evaluation. I worried what my boss and supervisor thought of me, I constantly beat myself up over a misunderstanding with a coworker, I over thought, over analyzed, and over killed it!
This morning during the good sermon, I fought the temptation to get distracted by my responses and Satan’s negative fiery darts kept coming. “You need to work on this, or that! You should serve more! You ought to help _ more with _” Shut up so I can listen!
I made a light brunch and still sought reassurance and validation:”is this ok did u like it is it enough?” So I read outside in the sun: “taming your gremlin” and “embracing your inner critic.”-2 helpful books! I flipped through Lucky magazine. I just checked Facebook now I will finally take a breath, and enjoy