“Everyone must like me! I need everyone to like me!”-George (from Seinfeld)

Came home early after my evaluation because I’ve caught a cold. What do I do when I’m sick? Wear my snuggle, drink tea&reliv, and watch tv. In watching Seinfeld I realized why those characters can be so annoying- and so funny. If we learn not to take ourselves so seriously, we can laugh because they remind us of ourselves. I saw myself in George, and I didn’t like it! Why do I need my husband to reassure me? Why do I want my boss to praise me? Why do I need my supe and my coworkers to like me?
It goes back to my growing up years. And into college(my second year I fell into depression, although I thought I was happy in theatre; that was my outlet!) also.
I remember hearing things like, “you’re too much!”
You’re too emotional
You’re too loud
You’re too silly
You’re too dramatic
You’re extreme
You’re excessive
Over the top
Overly annoying.
I look up to people and I am kind because I want them to respect me and be kind to me. Sure the golden rule is good, but not if I’ve taken it and misused it. I also crave attention but let’s not dwell on that(I’ll start feeling really guilty, internalize, and read into things).
This year my goal is to not be so critical of myself. Why can’t I be kind to myself like I am kind to others? Does it come from worm theology (what I misconstrued, not my parents’ fault!)
At work I want to stop apologizing and look and sound more professional.
Some people joke that I have ADD or Adult ADHD, or today, I heard the “DayQuil” is keeping me from being all emotional, but really I want to give credit to God and to me. I had a prayer team praying for me, and I worked hard at being a good listener. I want to do the right thing, which is quietly focus on my tasks and listen, not interrupt and not let overly responsible helping get in the way.
Tonight, even though I’m sick, I did the dishes. I am trying to get the energy up to go make the bed with clean sheets. I don’t want to do it just to get praise from my husband, I want to do it to get the job done! I want to be thorough and accurate, not just efficient.
Thanks for reading, but you needn’t like, comment, or send cyber (((hugs))). This is just to keep me sane.:)

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